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Things You Don't Say to Your Wife
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Comedian:

Tim Hawkins

DVD:

Full Range of Motion

Year:

Unknown

Things You Don't Say to Your Wife is a song with words written by Tim Hawkins. He took music from a famous song and changed the words. It's literally "things you don't say to your wife". There are three "segments" of things not to say. Each ends with "If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life, then these are the things you don't say to your wife." At the very end, it's repeating except with different words - "If you're a man who doesn't want to get killed with knife, then these are the things you don't say to your wife." Aside from the first one, he says them with a odd, hard to understand voice as though the woman won't understand what he's saying.

LyricsEdit

Hey honey have you gained some weight in your rear-end?
That dress you wear reminds me of my old girlfriend
And where'd you get those shoes? I think they're pretty lame
Would you stop talking 'cause I'm trying to watch the game

If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don't say to your wife

I planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday
I didn't ask you 'cause I knew it'd be OK
Go make some dinner while I watch this fishing show
I taped it over our old wedding video

If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don't say to your wife

Your cooking is OK but not like mother makes
The diamond in the ring I bought you is a fake
Your eyes look puffy dear, are you feeling ill?
Happy anniversary I bought you a treadmill

If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don't say to your wife
If your a man who doesn't want to get killed with a knife
These are the things you don't say to your wife

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